Here is an email I received this morning.

“what do you think of people who, before they meet each other, start texting back and forth, like asking small talk/random questions that are generally saved for a first date but instead being asked via text, and this is after you’ve moved from the e-mail stage to giving out phone numbers, and instead of calling, dude sends a text and starts chatting, asking what you do, where you work, what you like to do for fun, etc.

Shouldn’t that be saved for the date?

As my writer is describing internet dating has its  own protocol, its own stages of advancement.  Standard protocal should be something like the following:

1. Wink or Nudge (Depending on Site)

2. On Site Emailing

3. Off Site Emailing

4. Exchange of Phone Numbers

5. Phone Conversation(s)

6. Initial Date


In this case it appears the the potential date is caught somewhere between steps 5 and 6.  One has to wonder why.  After all the date is where you get to know someone, right?  Well maybe not for this potential mate.

The more someone uses the internet dating sites the more efficient they should become.  More efficiency should lead to a better screening process.  This reluctance to move beyond texting is probably one of two things.  A) They are new to internet dating and therefor they lack an efficient screening process.  OR B) They have been internet dating long enough to have been burned and is therefore trying to develop a new screening process.

One of the most challenging aspects of internet dating is developing an accurate ‘face’ or profile.  You know who you are but how do you articulate this?  How do you make it so that your audience, your reader, can interpret that. How polished was his profile?  Did it read like every other one out there?  Is he projecting his ‘face’ his ‘self’ well?

The next and also very important step is learning your play yourself.  “To play yourself?”, you ask.  Yep.  In the usually high speed pace of internet dating you must learn to showcase yourself, in your entirety, in a relatively quick amount of time.  The whole concept that you go out with someone’s representative on the first 3 dates takes too long in today’s world.  Instead, many people have adopted the idea of, this is who I am, deal with it.  In fact this can actually lead to a greater success in the dating world; honesty.  Honesty in the person that you are and honesty in the person you are seeking.

Let’s face it.  With all the options that internet dating allows, no one wants to waste time on someone that they aren’t compatible with.  The problem with this potential date seems to be that he doesn’t have a screening process down pat.  The underlying reasoning may be the fact that he doesn’t know what it is that he wants, and therefore, he can’t have an efficient screening process.

In today’s world you need to be actively involved in the dating process.  Hoping that your dream mate will just come to you is the storyline of a great romantic comedy film.  In real life, you have to know what you want, refine your tastes, refine your process, and through this find it.

In the case of the serial texters, they lack the refined screening process.  The reasons can range from inexperience, a very bad experience, or not knowing what exactly they want.  At any rate the ball is now in your court.  It may be time to say, “I’m thinking grabbing an Oberon after work, want to join?”.  Or a casual quip, “Well that answer requires face-to-face conversation ;)”.

Either way, the ball is in your court.  Make the move, or move on.  Because if he doesn’t know what he wants, he’s probably not what you want.